Thriving & Celebrating Life...

My dad was a a great guy. Seriously, he was a fantastic guy.  My hero, my teacher, my first love, my protector, my everything. Nah, he was not perfect, far from it actually but his imperfections are kinda perfect to me.  He left us, suddenly, long ago, and my world crumbled.  I don't have that beacon of light anymore, no one that could guide me, steer me to the right side of the road, bring me back to earth when my out of the world imagination get the best of me.  No one could make me laugh until i sobbed, yes, he was capable of that.     What I remember most about him is his PASSION for everything.  His zest for life! And oh boy his love for food, which I definitely inherited. Life is so hard lately.  So so hard, and there are times all I want to do is to give up. And lately, he's always on my mind.  I close my eyes, and I could see him, I sit down quietly and somehow I could hear his voice. I could even feel him sometimes, when I am al...

Let's talk about Bum-Bum, Ehem!  Let's talk about Coffee Enema! I have struggled with sugar addiction, mood swing, and bloating most of my 30s and 40s. And with the never ending drugs and poison that are pumped into my body regularly, my liver suffers.  I get constipation too after chemo, so toxins are literally sitting in my colon and this affects my entire body. The coffee enema has been around since the 1940s and has endless applications for vibrant health. Palmitates in coffee increase the production of GST (glutathione s-transferese) by up to 700 times. These powerful free-radical-quenching enzymes assist your liver to more effectively detoxify your entire body, which in turn allows your body to function as it was created to, and to heal and recover from all health issues. If you do the research, you will find that many kinds of poisons, like pthalates from plastics, and heavy metals are very difficult to get out of the body. Not only that, but the toxic load in our bodi...

I have never been much of a morning person.  Not even an any day person hahah! But from the beginning of this cancer journey, Azwat pushed me to go out for a morning walk and inhale all the oxygen into the body.  His rationale is cancer can't exist in oxygen.  Makes sense to me. So this would be my routine: 6.00am: Wake up, stretch, day dream a little 6.30am:  Get up, Subuh prayer 7.00am: Get out and walk walk walk, minimum 30 mins.  Can't walk too long as I have to get ready for work.  I'll do longer on weekends. Pre-Covid times, I will walk to this nearby park - Taman Tar.  One round is 3km, up & down hill. Nice park with lots of trees, naughty monkeys and pet dogs.  I even met a pet goat once!  Every morning there will be a group of Tai Chi enthusiasts doing their thing.  Anyone can join them.  Sometimes I join them when I don't have the energy to walk. There were times I was able to run, and happily did 10km around the park....

One of the more glaring side effects from all the treatments I've had is skin breakouts on my face!  Arrrghhhh! I mean, I've never been super vain, but the breakouts was so bad.   Finally I went to see Dr Ting of Ting Laser & Skin Clinic in Jalan Imbi. I read and heard many good reviews on him.  Only thing is, the clinic doesn't do appointments.  It's only walk-ins.   The clinic opens at 8.30am.  I reached there at 8am, and OMG, the queue was already almost 800m long.  So, I got into the queue, once it opened I registered and was told to go for breakfast and back after 10am.  No choice, I need to see the doctor, so no quitting despite my inner protests.   Went to the mamak stall nearby, ate well, full and happy, walked back at 10plus and waited for another 40 mins and I finally met the legendary Dr Ting.   He was very thorough, even with countless patients seeing him.  I was impressed.  I told him my pre...

Back at home. But all I could do is lie down, sleep, eat and drink. Not much different from being in the hospital. Thankfully appetite is not too bad, although I can't eat anything too spicy yet. One glaring thing though is my mushy legs. I can't really walk fast, more like a sloth. After about a week home, I managed to go down for morning walk. I have a cool looking cane with me for support.  So that's what I do every morning for at least 30 mins. I walk around my apartment blocks. Round and round, me and my cane. Slowly like a sloth. Frustrating coz I could really feel how weak my legs are. But hopeful as always this will strengthen them. And I get to breathe the fresh morning air.  Azwat usually will walk with me and we'll chat, or argue, or he will do his song and dance haha! Good times. After about a month, I stopped using the cane woohoo! Syukur alhamdulillah.   And I never stop the morning walk.  I even manage to do 5km occasionally. Road to marathon (one day?...

I got sick.  I think it was because of the tapering from steroids and reaction from the new chemo too. High fever, so had to be brought to the emergency despite my protests.  When I reached the hospital emergency, my temperature was 39C. Doctor that treated me informed that I will be administered antibiotics via IV through my chemo port. And I had to be admitted for the night for observation. While I was in the ward, my breathing worsened. I was unable to go to the bathroom without assistance. Getting there was like a battle, it felt like I have done a 500m sprint! And after awhile, Azwat had to carry me to the bathroom as I was unable to walk. And I was unable to breathe without oxygen too. It's so rapid!  A couple of days later with multiple blood taking for testing. The doctors still couldn't come up with any conclusion on why my condition is so bad.  At 4am of Christmas Eve, I couldn't breathe, even with highest oxygen level. The attending doctor said I must be b...

I was recommended to see Prof Ho Gwo Fuang in UMMC / UMSC to get into his Hyperthermia program. So I went to see him, lucky me as I managed to schedule an appointment with a few days after calling in.   During this period, my breathing was really bad.  I can't walk fast, can't even talk properly without panting.   So when I saw him, I had to tell him about my history, showed him all my scans.  But I did it so badly, as I panting at every word I said.  He looked at my scans and me, and told me I need to be treated for Lymphangitis Carcinomatosis, which basically means cancer has invaded all of lymphatic vessels of my lungs.  He said if I don't treat it now, in a week's time, I won't be able to function without oxygen tank.  And my days are numbered. So yeah, bad news for me.   Azwat said, let's take a leap of faith and go with the Prof.  So I said ok Prof, let's do it.  Let's go with your plan.  He said, ok, chemo star...

October is Breast Cancer awareness month.  This year, I somehow signed up to participate in a parade by survivors.  For the parade, we were assigned to groups of 4 and have to choose a theme.  Our group chose Superheroes as our theme.  And we have to DIY our costumes and accessories.   Me DIY??? Thank God I have my super sister in law Azlin to the rescue. She's really good at this. So who did I dress up as?  I thought really hard - Supergirl? Batgirl? Black Widow? I didn't know how to make these costumes! Haha!  So, I decided to be Harley Quinn!  Her costume was easy enough - torn up tshirt & jeans, dirty leggings. I already have a blond wig somewhere, just need to add some colours to it. Just need to find a mallet or baseball bat.   So yeah! I found some cheap tshirt and short jeans in a bundle shop.  Azlin helped me (more like took charge coz I'm hopeless) with the tshirt & shorts dye, that was really fun. I splashed ...

Not so good news... I have difficulty in breathing.  I can't walk fast or get excited or talk too loud, or I will be panting.  Went for a Pet scan and lung biopsy.  Bloody cancer has now traveled there.   I am now given steroids and inhaler. Don't like this development, I can't do things I like such as running, cycling or even laugh out loud! And Kadcyla has to stop, and I start new chemo regime - Gemzar & Carboplatin.  And another 10 rounds of radiotherapy  Sigh....

Managed squeeze in a short trip to Cameron Highlands.  I drove while Azwat cycled up. Crazy fella Enjoyed lots of strawberries, fresh cool air, scones, steamboat and a nice accommodation at the iconic Smokehouse Hotel.

Oh boy, the pandemic really hit the world.  Covid-19 has totally changed the world. New experiences: Lock down - no leaving home, Azwat and I were stuck at home for months. Work from home - well, I'm used to this, as this was my work mode after chemo.  But this becomes worldwide!  Virtual events - no face to face events for now, so I had to get familiarized doing virtual events 100% home cooked food - I always cook, but with this lock down, we have to cook our own food at every meal for months. Poor Azwat had to endure my cooking hehehe! Talk shows - all my favourite talk shows like Trevor Noah, Stephen Colbert, James Corden were all done from their own home!   Electricity bills - OMG the increase in electricity bills was phenomenal, as we we home all day long! Netflix - it saved our lives.  can't imagine being stuck at home without it Internet - broadband in Malaysia sucks big time.  Paint by numbers - I took up painting to pass time.   Plan...

Read this somewhere: Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just means the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person’s lifetime. When the person’s immune system is strong the cancer cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumors. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic, environmental, food and lifestyle factors. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune system. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone mar...

I must say, Qi Gong saved me.  Knowing I was diagnosed with cancer, my husband's old friend contacted him and wanted to meet me.  He has been practicing Qi Gong and wanted to teach me some moves and also gave me some energy.  When I heard that, it sounded like a hocus pocus, not something I would go for.  But my husband was adamant on meeting his friend, so I did. Turned out this man is a Godsend !  He came to our house and taught me some simple moves that can be done standing up and if I didn't have energy, I can even do it lying down.  Anyone can do it, it's really simple.   After learning the basics from him, I decided to learn from a master for self healing. And on a weekly basis I visit the Qi Gong master for in depth healing.  It has become a very important part of my life journey.  But what is Qi Gong really?  Qi Gong is an ancient system of self-healing that’s been around for 2,000 years. It’s a practice that’s meant to ...

I was well enough to travel for work!  I couldn't do any travel the whole of 2018 but 2019 yahooo! Paris was never the place in my bucket list, and I have been here before.  But something extra special this time, as Azwat joined me! Well, he explored the whole of Paris while I worked my ass off :-) After my event was over and every guests left, I had an extra 2 days to spend time with Azwat and it was magical!   We explored places on scooter and of course walked everywhere.  In such a short time, we did all these: Watched the Eiffel Tower Twinkling at Night Had sandwich at Trocadéro Experienced the River Seine Cruise Saw the Monalisa at Musee du louvre  Walk through Montmartre Climbed the Sacre Coeur Basilica Bought myself a YSL handbag hehehe! Amazing couple of days with Azwat.  Can't wait to travel to other places with him  

In a way I consider myself lucky.  Since young, I never really enjoyed any type of meat.  After being diagnosed with cancer, I read that I have to make sure my body is not acidic as cancer thrives in acidic environment. Meat is acidic.  So naturally, this is the one thing to avoid.  When I was going through chemotherapy, doctors and nurses' advise to me was I can eat anything I want, as I need the energy to fight this.  This is true, I do need the energy but this is also conflicted from what I know my body needs.  I know I can get the energy from a lot of sources other than meat, so I embarked on the no-meat diet from there on.  I doubled up vegetables and had some fish. The menu was simple in the beginning, as chemo killed my taste buds.  The only prominent taste that I could tolerate was sour.  It's not advisable to eat out, so I cooked myself mostly.  Having a typical Asian taste buds, my menu was like this: Brown Rice Porri...