Ayah

-
My dad was a a great guy. Seriously, he was a fantastic guy.  My hero, my teacher, my first love, my protector, my everything. Nah, he was not perfect, far from it actually but his imperfections are kinda perfect to me.  He left us, suddenly, long ago, and my world crumbled.  I don't have that beacon of light anymore, no one that could guide me, steer me to the right side of the road, bring me back to earth when my out of the world imagination get the best of me.  No one could make me laugh until i sobbed, yes, he was capable of that.  
 
What I remember most about him is his PASSION for everything.  His zest for life! And oh boy his love for food, which I definitely inherited.

Life is so hard lately.  So so hard, and there are times all I want to do is to give up. And lately, he's always on my mind.  I close my eyes, and I could see him, I sit down quietly and somehow I could hear his voice. I could even feel him sometimes, when I am all alone.  Is this a sign?  Is this somehow a sign I'll be joining him soon?  It sounds morbid, but I'd like to think of that, reunited.  
 
I don't meet people like him anymore.  I long to meet a person like him, someone who could tease and challenge my mind.  Honestly, I'm dying to meet him again (literally).  Insya Alllah, soon...



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hospitalized in ICU

-
Image
I got sick.  I think it was because of the tapering from steroids and reaction from the new chemo too. High fever, so had to be brought to the emergency despite my protests.  When I reached the hospital emergency, my temperature was 39C. Doctor that treated me informed that I will be administered antibiotics via IV through my chemo port. And I had to be admitted for the night for observation. While I was in the ward, my breathing worsened. I was unable to go to the bathroom without assistance. Getting there was like a battle, it felt like I have done a 500m sprint! And after awhile, Azwat had to carry me to the bathroom as I was unable to walk. And I was unable to breathe without oxygen too. It's so rapid!  A couple of days later with multiple blood taking for testing. The doctors still couldn't come up with any conclusion on why my condition is so bad.  At 4am of Christmas Eve, I couldn't breathe, even with highest oxygen level. The attending doctor said I must be brought
Read more

My experience with Coffee Enema

-
Image
Let's talk about Bum-Bum, Ehem!  Let's talk about Coffee Enema! I have struggled with sugar addiction, mood swing, and bloating most of my 30s and 40s. And with the never ending drugs and poison that are pumped into my body regularly, my liver suffers.  I get constipation too after chemo, so toxins are literally sitting in my colon and this affects my entire body. The coffee enema has been around since the 1940s and has endless applications for vibrant health. Palmitates in coffee increase the production of GST (glutathione s-transferese) by up to 700 times. These powerful free-radical-quenching enzymes assist your liver to more effectively detoxify your entire body, which in turn allows your body to function as it was created to, and to heal and recover from all health issues. If you do the research, you will find that many kinds of poisons, like pthalates from plastics, and heavy metals are very difficult to get out of the body. Not only that, but the toxic load in our bodie
Read more

New treatment - Lymphangitis Carcinomatosis

-
Image
I was recommended to see Prof Ho Gwo Fuang in UMMC / UMSC to get into his Hyperthermia program. So I went to see him, lucky me as I managed to schedule an appointment with a few days after calling in.   During this period, my breathing was really bad.  I can't walk fast, can't even talk properly without panting.   So when I saw him, I had to tell him about my history, showed him all my scans.  But I did it so badly, as I panting at every word I said.  He looked at my scans and me, and told me I need to be treated for Lymphangitis Carcinomatosis, which basically means cancer has invaded all of lymphatic vessels of my lungs.  He said if I don't treat it now, in a week's time, I won't be able to function without oxygen tank.  And my days are numbered. So yeah, bad news for me.   Azwat said, let's take a leap of faith and go with the Prof.  So I said ok Prof, let's do it.  Let's go with your plan.  He said, ok, chemo starts tomorrow.  Tomorrow????  It's
Read more