Hospitalized in ICU

I got sick.  I think it was because of the tapering from steroids and reaction from the new chemo too.

High fever, so had to be brought to the emergency despite my protests. 

When I reached the hospital emergency, my temperature was 39C. Doctor that treated me informed that I will be administered antibiotics via IV through my chemo port. And I had to be admitted for the night for observation.

While I was in the ward, my breathing worsened. I was unable to go to the bathroom without assistance. Getting there was like a battle, it felt like I have done a 500m sprint! And after awhile, Azwat had to carry me to the bathroom as I was unable to walk. And I was unable to breathe without oxygen too. It's so rapid! 

A couple of days later with multiple blood taking for testing. The doctors still couldn't come up with any conclusion on why my condition is so bad. 

At 4am of Christmas Eve, I couldn't breathe, even with highest oxygen level. The attending doctor said I must be brought to HDU for observation. By that time I was unable to breathe, and was shaking uncontrollably. 

Not too long after that the doctor told us I have to be brought to ICU. By that time I could see Azwat was crumbling. The doctor explained that they will have to intubate me, and my chances of survival was only 20%. 

As I was wheeled to ICU, I surrendered to the fact that I may not see Azwat anymore. Asked for his forgiveness and asked him to take good care of himself. My heart was broken into pieces, this could be the end of me. Was I ready to go? Have I done enough? Of course I want to go to heaven, not hell! 

When I reached ICU, it felt like a space ship. With COVID-19 around us, I was treated like a covid patient, it was their SOP. Only 2 could be in the room with me. I was poked in different places. Asked so many questions, struggled to answer every one of them. After deliberated the doctors decided not to intubate me and instead gave me this super high flow oxygen mask which was a new thing in the hospital. I think it was for Covid patients. Then they gave me a chance to video call Azwat. What a relief to see him, and he was with all our family members. Subhanallah, so happy to see them. 

The next 5 days in ICU was a blur. I was given Covid swab test a few times, slept, woke up, slept again, fever up and down. Never once got out of bed, I could feel my legs were getting mushy. Still couldn't breathe without oxygen. Everyday the doctors came and check, reduce the level a little bit. Every time I struggled but as always I persevered. Gotta do it! 

After a week in ICU finally I was let out to the normal ward. Such great news. Still with oxygen but a little lower than before. But still need to use that special high flow mask. Celebrated new year's in the ward. Neighbors were nice, all were pakciks & makciks. It was a special ward for cancer patients. Nurses were nice too. 

A week there, I was able to see a nice physiotherapist twice but couldn't do much as the hospital didn't want interaction during this pandemic period. Oh, had to do another swab test as someone on the same floor contracted Covid. Grrr!  

By the way, I found out the reason I got so sick so fast was due to an infection I got from being in the hospital. How bizarre! I nearly died! 

Anyway, a week in the ward, practically slept, eat, slept and then I was discharged. Happiest day in my life. Azwat & Jaime came to get me with wheelchair. My legs were still wobbly, have to work on it. Have to be quarantined at home for 10 days. Which is fine, didn't have energy to go anywhere anyway. 

Syukur alhamdulillah. I survived