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Ayah

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My dad was a a great guy. Seriously, he was a fantastic guy.  My hero, my teacher, my first love, my protector, my everything. Nah, he was not perfect, far from it actually but his imperfections are kinda perfect to me.  He left us, suddenly, long ago, and my world crumbled.  I don't have that beacon of light anymore, no one that could guide me, steer me to the right side of the road, bring me back to earth when my out of the world imagination get the best of me.  No one could make me laugh until i sobbed, yes, he was capable of that.     What I remember most about him is his PASSION for everything.  His zest for life! And oh boy his love for food, which I definitely inherited. Life is so hard lately.  So so hard, and there are times all I want to do is to give up. And lately, he's always on my mind.  I close my eyes, and I could see him, I sit down quietly and somehow I could hear his voice. I could even feel him sometimes, when I am all alone.  Is this a sign?  Is this someho
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My experience with Coffee Enema

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Let's talk about Bum-Bum, Ehem!  Let's talk about Coffee Enema! I have struggled with sugar addiction, mood swing, and bloating most of my 30s and 40s. And with the never ending drugs and poison that are pumped into my body regularly, my liver suffers.  I get constipation too after chemo, so toxins are literally sitting in my colon and this affects my entire body. The coffee enema has been around since the 1940s and has endless applications for vibrant health. Palmitates in coffee increase the production of GST (glutathione s-transferese) by up to 700 times. These powerful free-radical-quenching enzymes assist your liver to more effectively detoxify your entire body, which in turn allows your body to function as it was created to, and to heal and recover from all health issues. If you do the research, you will find that many kinds of poisons, like pthalates from plastics, and heavy metals are very difficult to get out of the body. Not only that, but the toxic load in our bodie
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Morning Walk

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I have never been much of a morning person.  Not even an any day person hahah! But from the beginning of this cancer journey, Azwat pushed me to go out for a morning walk and inhale all the oxygen into the body.  His rationale is cancer can't exist in oxygen.  Makes sense to me. So this would be my routine: 6.00am: Wake up, stretch, day dream a little 6.30am:  Get up, Subuh prayer 7.00am: Get out and walk walk walk, minimum 30 mins.  Can't walk too long as I have to get ready for work.  I'll do longer on weekends. Pre-Covid times, I will walk to this nearby park - Taman Tar.  One round is 3km, up & down hill. Nice park with lots of trees, naughty monkeys and pet dogs.  I even met a pet goat once!  Every morning there will be a group of Tai Chi enthusiasts doing their thing.  Anyone can join them.  Sometimes I join them when I don't have the energy to walk. There were times I was able to run, and happily did 10km around the park. Now that it's Covid period, all I
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Skin problem

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One of the more glaring side effects from all the treatments I've had is skin breakouts on my face!  Arrrghhhh! I mean, I've never been super vain, but the breakouts was so bad.   Finally I went to see Dr Ting of Ting Laser & Skin Clinic in Jalan Imbi. I read and heard many good reviews on him.  Only thing is, the clinic doesn't do appointments.  It's only walk-ins.   The clinic opens at 8.30am.  I reached there at 8am, and OMG, the queue was already almost 800m long.  So, I got into the queue, once it opened I registered and was told to go for breakfast and back after 10am.  No choice, I need to see the doctor, so no quitting despite my inner protests.   Went to the mamak stall nearby, ate well, full and happy, walked back at 10plus and waited for another 40 mins and I finally met the legendary Dr Ting.   He was very thorough, even with countless patients seeing him.  I was impressed.  I told him my previous and ongoing cancer treatments, and he asked many question
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Getting better after ICU episode

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Back at home. But all I could do is lie down, sleep, eat and drink. Not much different from being in the hospital. Thankfully appetite is not too bad, although I can't eat anything too spicy yet. One glaring thing though is my mushy legs. I can't really walk fast, more like a sloth. After about a week home, I managed to go down for morning walk. I have a cool looking cane with me for support.  So that's what I do every morning for at least 30 mins. I walk around my apartment blocks. Round and round, me and my cane. Slowly like a sloth. Frustrating coz I could really feel how weak my legs are. But hopeful as always this will strengthen them. And I get to breathe the fresh morning air.  Azwat usually will walk with me and we'll chat, or argue, or he will do his song and dance haha! Good times. After about a month, I stopped using the cane woohoo! Syukur alhamdulillah.   And I never stop the morning walk.  I even manage to do 5km occasionally. Road to marathon (one day?) h
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Hospitalized in ICU

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I got sick.  I think it was because of the tapering from steroids and reaction from the new chemo too. High fever, so had to be brought to the emergency despite my protests.  When I reached the hospital emergency, my temperature was 39C. Doctor that treated me informed that I will be administered antibiotics via IV through my chemo port. And I had to be admitted for the night for observation. While I was in the ward, my breathing worsened. I was unable to go to the bathroom without assistance. Getting there was like a battle, it felt like I have done a 500m sprint! And after awhile, Azwat had to carry me to the bathroom as I was unable to walk. And I was unable to breathe without oxygen too. It's so rapid!  A couple of days later with multiple blood taking for testing. The doctors still couldn't come up with any conclusion on why my condition is so bad.  At 4am of Christmas Eve, I couldn't breathe, even with highest oxygen level. The attending doctor said I must be brought
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New treatment - Lymphangitis Carcinomatosis

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I was recommended to see Prof Ho Gwo Fuang in UMMC / UMSC to get into his Hyperthermia program. So I went to see him, lucky me as I managed to schedule an appointment with a few days after calling in.   During this period, my breathing was really bad.  I can't walk fast, can't even talk properly without panting.   So when I saw him, I had to tell him about my history, showed him all my scans.  But I did it so badly, as I panting at every word I said.  He looked at my scans and me, and told me I need to be treated for Lymphangitis Carcinomatosis, which basically means cancer has invaded all of lymphatic vessels of my lungs.  He said if I don't treat it now, in a week's time, I won't be able to function without oxygen tank.  And my days are numbered. So yeah, bad news for me.   Azwat said, let's take a leap of faith and go with the Prof.  So I said ok Prof, let's do it.  Let's go with your plan.  He said, ok, chemo starts tomorrow.  Tomorrow????  It's
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